A Grooms Story, Part 1

Often times, when people think or talk about weddings, it’s
of the bride. Sometimes it seems that the groom is left out. So we wanted to
show the wedding day story from the grooms perspective. Below you will find the
1st of a 3 part grooms story. Come back next week and the week after to read the rest!

There I was in the mirror; all decked out in a rented
tuxedo, shiny cuff-links and all.  I’ve never understood the point of
fancy cuff-links, or of cuff-links in general for that matter.  At no time
have I said to myself “Self, if only there were some way to link these
two sides of my cuff together” and not immediately realized that there was
a button designed for that exact purpose right there on the cuff already.

 I was alone in the little dressing room beneath the
non-denominational chapel we’d chosen for the wedding ceremony.  I’m not
sure where everyone was, but I had been instructed to remain in the dressing
room for fear of laying eyes on my bride-to-be before the big reveal.  I
wasn’t as excited as I expected to be; more relieved that all the preparations
were done.

My fiancee Jenny and I had agreed at the onset of our
engagement that we would both prefer something relatively simple and
low-stress, but that had not turned out to be the case.  In fact you might
say that it turned out to be exactly the opposite of the case.  As the
date approached she had become incredibly stressed out about the minutia of
every aspect of the day to the point where the day before the wedding, the idea
of jumping ship and running away to Mexico was starting to sound really good.

I hadn’t run away to Mexico, obviously, but the option still
loomed.  

We chose to have our reception at our house, which in
hindsight wasn’t a great idea.  I’d powered through the exhaustive
preparations with as much poise as I could muster.  We spent a really long
time looking at pictures of cakes before selecting one.  We selected the
perfect bit of music to play during the walk down, and the subsequent walk back
up, the isle.  We agonized over color schemes and font choices and proper
wording for invites, each of which needed a ribbon to be tied a certain way.
 We spent a lot of energy on meticulously crafted center pieces with
bedazzled floating candles and little gelatinous water-beads.  We cleaned
the house until the vacuum cleaner became an extension of my will.  We
arranged for the food to be catered.  We spent exorbitant amounts of
money.    

We picked up a hundred chairs that weren’t good enough,
dropped off of those chairs and picked up different ones from a different
place, all with a rented U-Haul that had to be out of the driveway before the
reception.  I drove all over town looking for an unguarded dumpster to
ditch a couple of bags of trash that couldn’t be seen laying around.  I
really was doing my best to be helpful.  Despite all that, every time my
bride-to-be looked at me, I got the stink-eye.  A lot of stink-eye.  

I wasn’t thinking of enough things to be busy with.  I
wasn’t doing the things she wanted done fast enough.  At one point she
caught me not doing wedding preparations.  I was in
the backyard with her father, my father, Pat (the best man), his father, and a
few other folks.  We were playing with a scale-model medieval trebuchet
and using it to chuck rocks over the fence.  I think the only reason her
head didn’t actually explode was that the energy was focused into lasers that
fired out of her eyes and left scorch marks on the patio furniture.  Even
her parents gave me sympathetic looks. 

Even in the worst of the thinly-veiled hostility being
perpetrated in my direction, I managed to brush it off with the assurance that
it was just pre-wedding stress and that it’s normal.  I expected it to a
certain extent thanks to a largely Hollywood-based frame of reference, but it
still blew my mind to see it in real life.  Wedding stress can do terrible
things to a woman, evidently.  

Terrible things.  

Suffice to say, I was pretty well sick of preparing for the
wedding.

~ Zachary Wakefield

Zach Wakefield is a family man from Vermont with many
interests including a variety of musical instruments, electronic engineering
and inventing, medieval weaponry, and creative writing.  He also manages a
blog, aptly named “ 
Random Things to
Read
 ” which he uses as a creative outlet or just a
place to goof around with words.  Zach has also published a lovely little
illustrated story-poem entitled “ Rutkin ” (an equally, if not as obviously, apt name)
 which, as you’ll see if you click on the link there, is available on
Amazon.

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